An Inspired Chat with Vicki Goodman

We’re looking forward to introducing you to Vicki Goodman. Check out our conversation below.

Good morning Vicki, we’re so happy to have you here with us and we’d love to explore your story and how you think about life and legacy and so much more. So let’s start with a question we often ask: What is a normal day like for you right now?
I’m retired. So, I seldom wake up to an alarm clock. I adore waking up naturally! I have my coffee while checking the morning email. One morning a week I get together with a friend to play Scrabble and enjoy pastries and coffee. We walk my greyhound Hugo in between games. By about 10 a.m. on the other days, it begins. Meaning, I might have an appointment or a luncheon get-together. If not, I will take Hugo on a hike, write a chapter for my next book, do a podcast interview, or practice violin and singing. If there is any waiting, for instance at an appointment, I will spend the time reading my daily articles. My gentleman friend Mike, who at 79-years-old works on his cars most days, will come over in the evening. It’s a good life.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I had two careers, both of them a lot of fun… most days. As a mechanical engineer, I worked on applications of pumping systems. I spent the final 15 years of my working life as a real property appraiser for the Los Angeles County Assessor, where I trained other appraisers on architectural styles, wrote video scripts, acted in one of the videos, and eventually received a promotion to supervising appraiser. All the while, I had a (non-paid) side gig as theater critic for a Long Beach, California, area newspaper. I reviewed plays for the paper for over 20 years! I sing and play violin, both semi-professionally. And I’ve authored two books. I lost my wonderful husband Sam to cancer in 2019.

My ‘brand” came about as a natural outcropping of my first book, To Sam, With Love: A Surviving Spouse’s Story of Inspired Grief. I eventually named the brand “InspiredGrief.com,” and have made guest appearances on numerous podcasts, and have also spoken to grief groups and on radio, to spread the optimistic message of “inspired grief.”

These days, I’m pivoting to talking more about my second book, Speed Bumps: And Other Impediments to Life in the Fast Lane. It’s a mostly lighthearted memoir on the trials of life as told from the experience of a pretty extreme type A personality. In case you hadn’t guessed, that would be me.

Thanks for sharing that. Would love to go back in time and hear about how your past might have impacted who you are today. Who taught you the most about work?
My dad, who wasn’t one to exert much influence, delivered one fantastic gem at the dinner table when I was about 13 years old.

Dad asked my younger brother and me if anything significant had happened at school that day.

I mentioned that Miss Peterson had offered the class an extra-credit assignment for those who wanted to raise their grade. In a slightly snotty tone, I added that I already had an A and, hence, wouldn’t need to raise my grade.

Dad shot me an icy glare as though he’d just found out I’d committed mass murder. He thundered, “Don’t not do the assignment because you don’t need it for the grade. Do the assignment because you might LEARN something!”

Well. I’ve been doing life’s various and sundry “extra-credit assignments” ever since. The practice has served me well!

What have been the defining wounds of your life—and how have you healed them?
In my case, there is one wound. My mother, who loved me dearly, for some reason felt the need to turn me into a carbon copy of herself, at least in regard to tastes, opinions and judgments. If I dared to express an independent thought, it was met with disapproval and derision. Maybe for Mom, creating a clone of herself amounted to some sort of badly needed self-validation. Since this began when I was about four, I internalized feelings of inadequacy early on. Think about it… how do you speak words and make decisions mirroring those of another person without reading that person’s mind? You can’t. So, I’d been presented with an impossible mandate. Still, I did my best. I saw no alternative.

Once I reached college age, this situation became untenable. I knew I needed to break away. But it took many more years of struggle to finally gain the autonomy I desperately wanted and needed. I call the episode my “identity crisis.” The term was carelessly bandied about all through the 1970s to describe the challenges of growing up. But I really had such a crisis.

I attribute my eventual “jail break” from Mom’s unreasonable expectations as a wonderful manifestation of my survivor mentality. Not everyone is a survivor, emotionally speaking. But I always have been.

Sure, so let’s go deeper into your values and how you think. Is the public version of you the real you?
Yes! The public version of me is the real me. And that’s because I’m an open book. I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t tell a perfect stranger. Many people feel the need to hold certain things they deem “too personal” close to the vest. I’ve never felt such a need. Ask me anything. I’ll answer you truthfully.

Okay, we’ve made it essentially to the end. One last question before you go. What do you understand deeply that most people don’t?
I was raised in a secular family. No one in my family believes in anything other than what they can see and touch. Which, I think, makes what I’m about to say all the more stunning.

I now believe strongly in God and know that He has a plan for each one of us. That plan may include something that most people would consider to be tragic, such as the death of someone we love dearly. But are death and loss tragic? I say NO.

When I lost my husband Sam a few years ago, I underwent a spiritual transformation of what I consider to be epic proportion. And I’m pretty sure it came from outside of myself. I believe it was God leading me, presenting me with opportunities and the will to embrace them, and providing me with insights with which I could help myself and others.

I realized that God intended for me to have just 21 years married to Sam. Now I am meant to do something else, learn new things, perhaps be with a new man, and maybe even teach others.

When I look at my circumstances this way, I am grateful to have been blessed with my marriage to Sam. And I don’t feel cheated to have lost him. Who am I to believe I deserved more time with him than God saw fit to give me?

Many believers nod knowingly when I say that our deceased spouses live on as souls in the afterlife, and that we will join them there later. But cultural conditioning tells us to awfulize death and loss, even though most of us know deep down that it makes no sense in light of our understanding that the soul lives on in a place that is beautiful beyond words.

We must turn off that cultural conditioning and start connecting the dots between what we know to be true and the opportunities that offer us the chance to move on with optimism, excitement and happiness!

Contact Info:

• Website: https://VickiParisGoodman.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/samnvic28/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vicki-paris-goodman-1021a6270/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vickiparisgoodman
• Youtube: @vickiparisgoodman

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