Rising Stars: Meet Heather Abbasi

Today, we’d like to introduce you to Heather Abbasi.

Hi Heather, we’re so excited to have you on the platform. Before we get into questions about your work life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today.
I started later in life than I would have liked, at the age of 24, but the show biz bug caught me early.

I started at around five years old, learning every song by heart that I could listen to, pouring over images of models, singers, and other celebrities in magazines, how they did their make-up, and how they carried themselves or walked.

I took choir and drama when I got to middle school and high school. Watching television became like a different set of lessons after school to be a great presence in entertainment. I wanted to be a singer/songwriter and knew there was more to it than just singing. I began including modeling, dancing, creative writing, make-up, etc., in my classes in school. The older I got, the more skilled and confident I became.

Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not, what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
This was not something that came easy for one reason or another. Most of that was in my younger years. I was experiencing narcissistic abuse at home and a total lack of support. My “parents” were pushing me to go into nursing, and being raised as a people pleaser, I did my best to make them happy.

As much as I enjoyed it, I didn’t feel supported, and I was just placed in a different people-pleasing role that felt so draining. I always tried to keep my entertainer skills up as I got older, even though my endeavors were not acceptable or supported by my caretakers. These were just hobbies and extracurricular activities to look good on job applications to my father and stepmother. My aspirations were often dismissed, overly criticized, stupid, unsupported, or ignored entirely. I was told I wouldn’t make it; you were too fat to sing, wasn’t talented, and “We never took you seriously.”

I can’t tell you how many performances with my classmates with all their family and friends in attendance, with my family nowhere to be found. If they were in the audience, there was nothing but criticism, ugly words, and servitude to go home to. I remained stubborn as ever, doing my best to ignore the pain and tell myself they didn’t know what they were talking about. In my teenage years, my life became about survival and getting great grades to free myself from my family as a young adult.

After that, it was about surviving as a young adult with a lot of self-doubt because of all the negative reinforcement placed on me throughout my life. I still kept singing and would practice posing and good beauty techniques, but I was disillusioned about my abilities and accepted that nothing more would come of it. After years of being told I would never make it and didn’t deserve it, listening to those critical voices instead of my heart, and finally being on my own, I believed them.

It got worse when I became free of my family. I was homeless and moved across the country to start over with different family members. I was forced into a relationship that I made clear I didn’t want with a narcissistic man I wanted nothing to do with. Even though I made it clear to him that I did not desire a relationship with him, he would not take no for an answer.

He continued trying to gain my friendship, calculating how to befriend me, creating lies amongst his friends, who were also my friends, that we were in a relationship, wrapping me all up in his scheme, which then turned into stalking, harassing, and slowly but surely, taking over my life, sabotaging my plans, and the problems I had with self-worth and attaining my dreams only got worse. Most people would never see the manipulation coming with people like that until it was too late, especially if they had been abused before. This went on for two and a half years.

It wasn’t until six months of getting to know this person went by that I saw who they were and realized I was trapped, living in their delusional world. By the time he went to jail and I was able to break free, I was 21 and beyond broken. Just weeks before this, the stalking, isolation, brainwashing, abuse, and manipulation got so bad that I had accepted that the strain of his grip on me was killing me. I accepted that I would die within the next few months because I had no escape or support, and the “relationship” had drained everything I had out of me. I could barely fight back anymore.

He brought me to a place of complete dependence on him, and I could feel myself getting weaker every day. He was starving me and gaining more control over me, causing me to gain large amounts of weight in small amounts of time. I was barely managing, working long hours, living on coffee, and all I could do was sleep when I got home until my alarm went off the next morning to go to work again. I felt lost, empty, sad, exhausted, and incapable of anything.

I was 21 and felt like I was 101, way more overweight than I had ever been in my whole life, with dark circles under my eyes, hair falling out, chronically sick, and honestly, had no more will to live. I couldn’t recognize myself anymore and did not feel pretty or confident anymore. I also forgot how to sing at this time because I had been so oppressed, told to shut up, or threatened every time I tried. I have been preyed upon, suffocated, hit, controlled, tortured, trapped, pushed, manipulated, stolen from, used, threatened, sexually assaulted, tricked, brainwashed, confused, drugged, and fully enslaved by this person, and so much more.

When it was finally over, my mental strength was gone, and I was living with constant nightmares almost every night. I moved back to my home state shortly after this and tried to put the pieces of myself back together as best as I could with zero money, minimal support, no car, and no therapy. I lived with my roommates and went to work and home every day because that’s all I could do, and I thought my career aspirations were over. I began to sing again on my way to and from work to self-soothe and regain some personal power within me.

I included working out and enjoyed eating every day again. I was getting in good shape again, finally. Eating every day and not having to live in survival mode, starving to death, I was losing weight faster than it had come on. I had always been plus-size, and that was a struggle and something I was made to feel ashamed of my whole life, especially by my abusers. Now, I was finally getting physically healthy again. That’s all that mattered to me. I became sporty and loved it. This helped me gain some confidence and energy back.

I met and moved in with my future husband after this, and when I turned 24, I permitted myself to leave retail behind for college full-time with his help, for music and never looked back. Unfortunately, my issues with unprocessed trauma and having experienced it so intensely for most of my life, my college life was cut short, and my dreams were ripped from my grasp once more and seemingly way more permanently than I ever expected. All of the stress from going to college full-time and unprocessed trauma turned into a seizure where I fell and hit my head in 3 places on the way down.

Subsequently, I suffered from short-term memory loss, speech impairment, poor concentration, chronic fatigue, sleeping all the time, having severe nightmares all the while, crying all the time in my waking hours, and general inability to do almost everything I was used to doing, especially singing. I needed extreme amounts of sleep at this time and still need more than the average person to this day. This came with a diagnosis of C-PTSD with depression and a disability label. I was only 27 years old and had just married my husband two months prior.

I had to drop out of college and take on a homemaker role while I recovered. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. Recovery from something like this can take years, and it has. I had to take extreme care of myself, moving to Arizona from LA and trying to start over and do anything I could not to give up on myself. As I slowly regained memory retention, energy, and speech (not fully, even still to this day), I started looking around for something I could do to attain some of my former goals while I regained my brain functions.

I also had to make sure it was something I could do without taking more out of me than I had because of the lack of energy and requirements of low-stress living. I also had to factor in that I was still struggling with speech and memory. My biggest concern at this time was my poor husband. He just married me, and I felt like such a burden to him. Doing something to help him was my biggest motivation. I was perusing social media one day and ran across an ad seeking plus-size models and brand ambassadors. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I looked into it. They wanted all ages and sizes. I was skeptical but applied anyway and was accepted, much to my surprise and disbelief.

All I had to do was receive products, take pictures, and make social posts with specific instructions and a free ambassador guide to get started. Not only did this empower me, it gave me my dreams back while meeting me where I was at. More than that, I also found power and support from other women who were happy to be represented by a real woman who looked like them in beautiful clothes that weren’t what is usually offered to full-figured women. This wonderful company that took a chance on me was called Juicy Body Goddess. Not only did this give me experience as a professional plus-size model, but it also opened my eyes to the world of possibilities.

I gained a new perspective. Changing beauty standards were turning in my favor, and I found myself in demand as a model. It no longer mattered what my dress size was or what my body looked like. The world told me I was beautiful, and it was ready to receive authentic, realistic beauty. I lived to represent other women who looked like me and put aside my limiting beliefs to pursue modeling full-time.

It came with its own set of struggles, of course, such as criticism, judgment, bad guidance, brands that were scams, haters, etc. All that mattered was I was making a positive, impactful difference in more than just my own life, and continuing to find work in the modeling and fashion industry.

Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
As a plus-size model, it’s my job to make products and experiences more desirable. In doing so, I must create art. I make it a point to take the vision of the brand or whoever I represent and create the most elegant art through poses, facial expressions, colors, and more to bring the vision to life. I do my best to give more or better than what was envisioned or asked of me.

I love doing this so much, and I feel privileged when I have chosen to model. I aim to showcase to the brand or magazine they more than made the right choice in models. I specialize in plus-size fashion, cruelty-free/clean beauty, and pin-up style modeling, but I am versatile. I want people to know that just because I am plus-size does not mean that I lay around eating chocolate and potato chips or over-eat like most people assume that full-figured people do. Most of us are just going through whatever life throws at us, doing our best to be healthy. I eat more vegetables than anything else and am very active, given my size. I continue to get work at the size I am now, and I started when my figure was much larger.

It bothers me so much when people assume models like me are out here promoting obesity when a lot of us are dancers, yogis, power walkers, runners, swimmers, tennis players, moms, wives, and so much more. I hate the most that it seems that the majority of people don’t understand what the real bodies of real women look like, and the internal/external factors that come into play shape what we end up looking like. As much as women of all sizes would love to be a perfect doll, only have to eat one sprig of broccoli a day, drink a glass of water, and take a quick jog to live up to the unattainable standards of an increasingly more judgmental and hostile society, that is an impossible standard to live up to when none of us were designed to be standard in a standardized factory.

We’re human beings, not pencils designed at the factory to be a perfect standard size for one specific purpose alone. Another thing I would love people to know is that I strive to operate with the utmost integrity, from my work ethic to the brands I choose to work with. If a brand claims to be plus-size when they send me an offer to work with them, but their sizes do not go past XL, I do not agree to work with them. Although that is my ideal size and goal at this time, I was a 3X or 4X most of my life and model career through little fault of my own, but I want to represent and celebrate queens of all genders and sizes, even if my size is not that big anymore.

Clothing should be for everyone, no matter their size, and there shouldn’t be a fat tax or size restriction on something just because someone has a bigger body. I also can’t tell you how many “companies” are looking to scam people by pretending to be a store, taking people’s hard-earned money, and disappearing. I want my followers to feel they can trust me because I am their full-figured friend. I have their best interests at heart because I’m not a celebrity. If a follower chooses to buy something to support me because I wear it or base their purchase on my recommendations, I want them to get value and satisfaction. I want them to feel safe and trust me when making those financial choices.

People go through so much every day to earn a paycheck, and when the time comes for them to treat themselves or buy something special, they deserve to have a quality item that was advertised. I would hate for that to happen to me (and it has!). I would hate it ten times more if it happened to someone else because I didn’t do my research into a brand or company to make sure they are trustworthy. Not only does that brand look bad, then I look bad. I don’t often make choices to work with people based on the monetary gain without making sure that the brands or products fit my vision and mission or adding value to someone else’s life by choosing to purchase based on my showcasing of said items.

Aside from my positive attitude and resilience, these are the things that set me apart from most models in the industry. I understand more than anything that doing a job means you should get well paid for your work, but I am selective because I wouldn’t feel right about doing a job just to be supported by people who work hard and a brand that doesn’t care who they hurt or how they impact the world as long as they make money.

Is there something surprising that you feel even people who know you might not know about?
I want people to know that I am, more often than not, a one-woman show. I do a lot of freelancing. That comes with me searching for gigs myself. Then there’s applying to them, doing my hair and make-up, purchasing my outfits, putting my outfits together, getting myself to locations, or trying to take most pictures at home in my makeshift studio.

Given my invisible disability, I cannot drive and probably never will again, so I need to do the best I can with what I have available to me or what I can do in a day. I walk everywhere I go right now, and even though my husband can drive, we are saving up for him to have a good car to take us around in and, hopefully, in the future, enable me to travel with him for bigger gigs. I have help from my husband, Andrew, who occasionally takes my pictures or helps me by editing or taking over the housework/food prep.

Other than that, I do it all by myself in between doing most of the housework, food prep, and dog care. When my husband can help me, he often takes time away from our growing bookkeeping business, Abbasi Services, or his precious downtime.

It is great to have his support and photography skills, as much as I feel guilty for taking time away from him to help me attain my goals because the more our business grows, the less time he has for helping me become a great model. I would love to be able to work with a wider variety of photographers and expand my career through travel in the future, and in doing so, avoid putting a strain on my husband’s time availability in pursuit of his dreams for our business.

I still have to be very careful with how much I extend myself because stress increases the previously described symptoms 100-fold. I shouldn’t be working anymore. Period. According to my diagnosis, more than an average day’s amount of stress at home isn’t permitted in my lifestyle anymore for good reason. I keep modeling because it makes me feel like the disability didn’t take everything away and gives me so much strength when I see how happy I make other people feel and how strong I have become as a survivor. Telling my story and educating people on the effects of narcissistic abuse helps me move on and thrive in the face of those who hurt me so deeply.

My biggest hope is to help others avoid these types of people and prevent what happened to me from happening again to someone else. I would encourage anyone to look up narcissistic abuse and narcissistic personality disorder and its effects and identify the warning signs of narcissistic personality in individuals. I do my best to incorporate this into my social platforms as part of my brand because I want to support survivors and show them that they can thrive in the faces of their oppressors, even if they are like me and might not ever fully recover.

Contact Info:

• Website: verifiedmodel.co/heatherabbasi
• Instagram: @heatherskyeabbasi
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HeatherAbbasi.MermaidMelodies
• Linkedin: www.linkedin.com/in/heather-abbasi-8080b4150
• Email: heatherabbasi.model@gmail.com

Image Credits
Andrew Abbasi