Meet Stephanie Roberts of Above Average Customs and Trapp Haus BBQ

Today we’d like to introduce you to Stephanie Roberts.

Stephanie, let’s start with your story. We’d love to hear how you got started and how the journey has been so far.
Whenever I find myself talking about my story, I always start out by saying how many years its been since I was homeless. Three years ago this summer, I ended an almost full year of being homeless. Three years ago, I never thought I would be sitting here, telling you who I am. My name is Stephanie Roberts, I am a six year Army combat veteran, but most importantly I am a mother of three beautiful children. Jaylyn who is 11 this summer and Kamdon and Reagan who are five years old twins. I am from Tucson Arizona, where most of the residents are born and raised, and never leave. In the community I grew up in, having my oldest at the age of 22 was older than most of the young women around me had.

Three years ago, we were living in a Veterans transitional housing program at UMOM. In 2009, I did something I thought would be a lifetime career, to take care of my oldest daughter and I. I joined the Arizona Army National Guard as an Air Traffic Controller. In February 2010, I shipped out for basic training. At the time, I had only had Jaylyn. Nothing can prepare you for leaving your child. I spent a year away for training, seeing Jaylyn only 33 days of that. I knew however, I was doing the right thing, the hardest thing I ever had to do, but the right thing at the time. I was angry, lonely, confused, but I finished! I then came home for one week and was shipped to Georgia to MOB to Iraq. The army wasted no time in getting my boots on the ground. Straight out of basic and I was on my way to the infamous sandbox.

A little over three years ago, I opened up about the things that took me to the lowest point in my life. While I was deployed, I spent 12+ hours a day in the tower, the rest of the day was spent trying to act “normal.” The gym, movies, and staying up odd hours to talk to my daughter, friends, and family. On May 4, 2011, I had rolled over after my 12-hour shift to get some rest, it was sunrise and the next thing I heard were explosions, one after another. Then sounded the incoming alarm. I immediately took cover under my bunk, but before I threw on my gear to head to the bunker, I messaged my family and told them I loved them, to hug my daughter tight because I didn’t think I would be making it home. Eventually the all-clear sound signaled, and it was time to go right back to life. NO TIME to decompress, or process what happened. There was no time for processing feelings or near death experiences in the military, that was weak and there’s no time for weak. That is the only story I told for five years. That was the ONLY reason anyone had for my changed behavior, my alcoholism, my depression, anxiety, PTSD, and my inability to function “normally.” And that it is what ultimately led to my children and I being homeless. This story was the only reason behind it all.

Three years ago, I would tell the real reason. I told the real reason to a resident doctor at the VA Women’s clinic. She was the first female doctor I had come across. She gave me time to answer the survey you receive and EVERY VA appointment. She had also added that I take my time, and she would return shortly. The survey included questions of my mood and interest levels. Once she read it over, she asked me what was going on, in the most nonjudgmental way. I was given a safe place for once, to open up about the one thing that had taken me to the ground, or what most people call rock bottom. After fearing for losing my life in May, I was raped, by a fellow soldier. My battle, my family, someone who wore the same flag as me on their arm and the U.S. Army patch across their heart JUST LIKE ME! I held the blame for it all and I harbored that for five years.

I had, we will call him “Joe,” my friend, who I trusted in my chu against regulations. When he asked to come over, I didn’t dare say no. It was just the same with sexual innuendos and jokes, and advancements in the military, it was all okay, because if it wasn’t, you were blacklisted and taunted. I, as a female, went along with it all, to make life in the military easier. I was breaking the rules. I was the only one doing something wrong, no, not Joe. NOT HIM, there is no way an infantry man could do anything wrong. It is exactly how we were wired. Joe had brought in a “fun” drink for me, which I thought was only alcohol. How could I turn him down? I was one of the guys, I could not face the teasing and torment if he told them. I had some of the drink. And it felt great, how cool was I? so daring, breaking all of the rules. Shoot! HOOAH! This is what all the guys bragged about doing. But then, things got funny, they got blurry. Now Joe was on top of me, caressing me, kissing me, undressing me. I couldn’t use my strength. My strength that had me in tip top shape to serve my country equally next to Joe. My strength to carry my weapon to protect myself and my brothers like joe to my left and right.

It was fast, I couldn’t even process it all. Joe got up, flustered, and said he had messed up my sheets, that I would need to wash them. He gathered them up, threw them in a pile, and said see you on the courts! And that was it, I treated it just like the mortar attack, no time to process, that for the weak, the army has no time for weak. There was no way anyone would believe that Joe did anything wrong to me. He was a hero and I was just a female trying to fit into a males profession. What I didn’t know was that I would end up pregnant. I would be sent home from my deployment, no one even asked how it happened, who, or if I was okay. I was labeled, put a red A on my forehead. I was DONE, toast!

I betrayed my country, not Joe, I was the one being sent home and was a disgrace to my unit and country. I faced a lot of backlash and whispers, my business was all over the FOB. After I was sent home, I got an abortion stateside, the only way I knew to try and rid myself of what had happened. I went against my own morals and beliefs and tried to fix it myself. That abortion almost killed me and ended up putting me in emergency surgery on Ft Benning. The medical staff there was no better than my unit. It was one of the hardest things I had to go through alone.

Over the five years, the reason I never opened up went right along with statistics. 62% of women who report sexual assault have experienced retaliation social and professionally. Those were the things I was scared of, but they happened even by keeping quiet. I continued to fall into a deep dark place. Until a year ago. Three years ago, however, the system worked for me; the female doctor giving me a safe place, the questionnaire, the transitional housing, and counseling. The VA had effectively put together a process to help me long term, not just label and ditch me like I had been while enlisted. I was not only diagnose with PTSD but also Military Sexual Trauma (MST). I would be getting the proper focused care and help. I am a tangible example of things that have worked and don’t work when it comes to the military system.

Three years ago I opened up.
Three years I found my voice.
Three years I took my stand.
Three years I told my story.
Three years I took my life back.

Three years, I, Stephanie Roberts, a mother, a Veteran, I promised myself I would never go back to what my life was. After just THREE years of having to rebuild my life, I started my own small business making custom T-shirts, it became my therapy, originally, my release. It was just a hobby so my children and I could match on special occasions and holidays. My small business is growing SO FAST! That soon, I know I will have to expand out of my home! I am so proud of my perseverance! I love being a part of other people lives and special events! The joy I see in others when their designs come to life through me and tangible on a t-shirt, I wouldn’t trade that in! I also am the general manager at a local BBQ restaurant in downtown Phoenix. A good friend of mine, Phil Johnson, saw my knack for order and structure and how much I loved customer service and making others happy! Even though I run all of the behind the scenes, I still am able to interact with our customers individually and see the glow on their face after they enjoy the experience I have created!

I often speak for the VA or at women events, I tell my story as much as I can to just let others know that THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. I am rated 100% through the V for PTSD and MST (post-traumatic stress disorder and military sexual trauma) one of my biggest speaking accomplishments will be this summer! I will be the Co-Captain for Arizona the 2019 National Conference on Ending Homelessness & Capitol Hill Day. Hill day is one of the most important ways to engage in federal advocacy to help end homelessness. Through face-to-face meetings with Members of Congress and their staff, I have the opportunity to establish and build relationships with congressional offices; educate elected officials on success programs at home, and encourage them to work in support of programs and funding to end homelessness. These programs and funding are dear to my heart, I wouldn’t be where I am today without them! I am excited to share my story and hope I am a story that helps others!

I appreciate any time, long or short, to let anyone know that times may get tough, but there is a light! A light you will reach and never turn back.

Has it been a smooth road?
The road has NOT been smooth. I depleted my savings living in a hotel, I even lived in a car with my children for a week before I went to the VA for help. I got my daughter ready for school in a gas station bathroom, went for days only feeding them, using my own t-shirts for diapers. I went into full survivor mode when my mental state just ran me down

So let’s switch gears a bit and go into the Above Average Customs and Trapp Haus BBQ story. Tell us more about the business.
I put so much love into each shirt, all are handmade BY ME! I think that comes through, especially in my family t-shirt designs. So many original ideas come from listening to other be excited about events and get-togethers, family vacations, etc. That’s my favorite part, making things more enjoyable for them, adding that special touch! And seeing the pictures afterward!

I enjoy training my staff at the restaurant, to give people who come in a unique experience. BBQ is that back yard, get together, feel-good type of food! I want anyone to leave here to feel good about a local establishment that really cares for them.

What moment in your career do you look back most fondly on?
Showing my children anything can be done because this is not my peak! It’s still to come!

Contact Info:

• Email: steph@trappausbbq.com and aboveaveragecustoms@gmail.com
• Instagram: @Above_Average_Customs_, @trapphausbbq

Image Credit:
MYD Media & Management

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