Hidden Gems: Meet Theresa Hernandez of Nikki480

Today we’d like to introduce you to Theresa Hernandez.

Hi Theresa, we’re thrilled to have a chance to learn your story today. So, before we get into specifics, maybe you can briefly walk us through how you got to where you are today?
Hello and thank you to you and your readers for giving me this opportunity to get to know me and to tell my story. It’s a crazy one and I’ve actually always wanted a chance to tell it before anyone else does and gets it all wrong! Lol I’ll start with my name since many know me as either Theresa or Nikki. I was born Theresa Nicole Bonilla. Theresa is my “government name” I go by in a more professional setting. Nikki obviously is a form of Nicole, and it’s what close friends and family call me. So, I never know where I’m at until I hear someone call me by name. lol as you can probably tell by now, I love to joke around, and you can find me almost always with a smile on my face.

I was born in Mesa, Arizona and moved to Southern California when I was just 2. Corona Ca, to be exact. So yes, I do love my California and Arizona sports teams. I like to go to the D backs games sporting a Dodger’s jersey and my D backs hat and just make everyone mad! lol I now reside here in beautiful Downtown Phoenix and am absolutely loving it! I’m the oldest sister of three girls and also have three beautiful daughters and one beautiful granddaughter. All girls!!! As you can tell from my picture, I am way too young to be a grandmother! lol So at 44 I am a ‘Mimi” My two oldest who are 24 and 22 and my 2-year-old grandbaby live in Northern California close to their father and his family. I miss them terribly. My youngest just turned 15 and we had an amazing quince for her in August.

All three of my girls are very smart, accomplished, and beautiful. Now you may be wondering where “Hernandez” came from. I’ve been married twice, and sadly a widow. My first marriage was to my youngest’s father who is a Latino comedian, well get into that a little later, but when we divorced, I wanted to keep his last name only because, at this point in my life I didn’t want to go back to my maiden name and “Hernandez” is a common Hispanic last name. My husband’s last name was “Pierce” but there was never any time to change it so here I am. Theresa Nicole Nikki Hernandez! Now let’s get into it!

Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
Growing up in California was both one of the greatest and most horrible experiences of my life. Great in the fact that the weather is amazing year round, the beach was so close, I lived 30 min away from Disneyland and I’d made some of the best friends a girl could ever ask for, but horrible in the way of having to leave my home at just fifteen.

That was the year my parents divorced just right after my youngest sister was born. At that time all hell had broken loose, and both my parents hurt and frustrations started trickling down onto me. Because of severe mental and physical abuse, it was no longer a safe space for me to be in. I’d made the decision to leave and never look back. I left a beautiful home in Corona Hills to the streets of Riverside. I felt safer being on the streets than in my own home. I had to quit school and for a year and a half I was homeless. I lived in a friend’s car, couch surfed and even took showers in an abandoned day care center. Eventually my best friend let me stay with her and her family but that was short lived because I couldn’t contribute financially. My parents refused to give me my social security card and birth certificate so I could get a job. I was running out of options. I contacted one of the only few family members who my mother couldn’t convince I was evil and hopped on a greyhound bus heading to Arizona.
Not soon after I arrived, and at my mother’s request, my Godparents had convinced me to live with them in Prescott Valley, Arizona. Once there, I re-enrolled back in school, took 7 classes on top of my senior year classes just to graduate on time and eventually received my information so I could get a part time job.

I’d like to take a moment to write about domestic violence and generational trauma. Only because I feel like whomever reads this might be experiencing the same and might be just as lost as I was. If this is you, please know, even though they are your family you do not deserve anything other than love, ever, and at all times.

Generational trauma is a very real thing and has been passed down throughout my family. Ours started with my great grandmother. She was a single mother with three kids during the great depression. She couldn’t afford to feed or take care of her children so decided to give her youngest child, my grandmother, up for adoption. I strongly believe that this is what broke any chance at a mother daughter bond. I know my grandmother had a good heart but my memories of her were not happy ones. She was a hard woman to get along with, at least for me. She was mentally abusive to my grandfather and never had anything positive to say. Now most will argue this is just a typical Mexican woman and in our Mexican culture this is how we were treated and raised. I ask them though, does that make it right?

I know there have been public debates about corporal punishments and the right to spank your children however this was not my situation. The abuse for me started at a young age, I was hit with anything my parents could get their hands on. A leather belt, the “chancla”, a fly swatter, you name it. I would go to school with welts and bruises but growing up in the 80’s teachers and schools never questioned it, calling CPS wasn’t a thing back then. So, the only option was to suffer in silence and take the beatings. Every time this happened, I remember telling myself that when I’m older I’ll be strong enough to fight back and that is exactly what I did. I gave it right back to them. I’d have scratches from fighting with my mother and black eyes fighting with my father. The mental abuse was even worse. The horrible names my mother would call me created me to have very low self-esteem. I took comfort in food and developed an eating disorder. I was constantly criticized for what I ate, was called a “fat ass” by my mother who would excuse it as a “term of endearment”.

As I got a little older, and as you can imagine, I started acting out and was deemed a “problem child”. I’d find different ways to escape which included experimenting with different drugs and alcohol. anything really just to get out of a bad head space. In Jr. High I was kicked out of school for drug paraphernalia and had to go to a continuation school. My mother didn’t have the patience to deal with both her life and what was happening with mine. My father, most of the time, was nowhere to be found.

My father was a gambler and sex addict. He cheated on my mother on their wedding night with his brother’s wife and cheated throughout their whole marriage. He would take me to other women’s houses so I could play with their kids to keep them busy while he was in the room with their mom. My mother was miserable, resented him for it, and took it out on us kids. My father did show me more kindness than her and that’s really not saying much so needless to say I was closer to him, and I know that just made her hate me even more. She would talk badly about me constantly to other family members right in front of me which made me feel even worse.

The way my mother dealt with that trauma of my father was to bury her head in the books and go back to school. This was great for her since she left college early to be with my father but us kids were left alone most nights, and having to fend for ourselves. I would cook meals for my siblings and had to take on the mother role. If the house wasn’t spotless when my mother got home it meant big trouble for me. You gotta remember, I myself was still a child. All I wanted to do was go out and have fun with my friends like any normal kind would. When my mother finally had enough and left him, she quickly met and moved in this horrible racist man before the ink was dry on her divorce papers. She allowed this man to be cruel to both me and my middle sister and at the same time let him raise my younger sister. From what I know he was never cruel to her and I’ve always appreciated that. One of my biggest regrets when leaving was that I couldn’t take my sisters with me. They had to stay behind and experience the aftermath. My younger sister was too young to remember but I know my middle sister resented me for it. To both of them, please know, I will forever carry that and I will forever be sorry.

Going back to generational trauma. As you can probably guess, what I’d experienced growing up trickled down to my own children and how they were raised. I was 19 when I became pregnant with my first child. The father was 5 years older than me and was dishonorably discharged from the military and recently divorced. He told me he couldn’t have children, yet it took a whole week after meeting him that I became pregnant. Now my mother had always made it a point to tell me children were curses and not blessings and that if she could, she would have flushed me down a toilet, I know right? So when I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified. My middle child came 2 years later. The relationship I had with their father started out promising but after the kids came, resentment started kicking in. I resented him for putting me in another domestic role I didn’t want to be in and him resenting me because I wasn’t the perfect mother he had hoped I would be. At first, a lot of the responsibility fell on him. Don’t get me wrong. I love my children dearly like any mother would, but that bond and motherly instincts mothers usually have, just wasn’t there. I didn’t know how to be a mom. All I had to reference was my own mother. What followed next was intense frustration and anger that resulted in me cheating and him being physically abusive. I was 21 with two babies that I didn’t know how to take care of.

Because he was in school all the financial responsibility fell on me. I worked nights into the early mornings but for peanuts. I was so exhausted that most mornings I had to decide whether to comb my daughters hair or get them to school early enough to take advantage of the free breakfast so they could have at least one decent meal to eat. I found myself back in the same situation. No money, no support, and no where to go but now I had two kids to take care of. I couldn’t even take care of myself. It’s funny how life repeats itself. Mine for a while, would be on that same continuous loop.

I decided I had enough and left the relationship. What followed next was a nasty court battle for custody, restraining orders, supervised visits,and the child exchange had to be done at the police station because of how badly he physically hurt me. At one point I had to file a CPS case because when he did have unsupervised visits he had my kids staying in a home with no running water and in filth. They were way too young to remember any of this and when I told them about it a little later in life, they didn’t believe me, so I recited a quote from the movie “A time to Kill”- “it is not up to us to find out the truth but to go out and seek it”. There is always a paper trail when bad things happen and those things are called “public records “.

Because I’m a hopeless romantic and always looking for unconditional love, I met and married my youngest daughter’s father. This would be my first marriage. Let me back up for just a sec. After leaving my previous relationship, I’d found my passion for event promoting and planning. I would produce Latino Comedy shows around the valley. My cousin who’s a comedian got me into it because he knew I was a social butterfly and could get people to come see a show. That’s how I met my ex husband. I hired him to perform at one of my events. In the beginning it was a blast. We’d travel all over the country performing at different comedy clubs. I had the chance to meet some of my favorite comics and I even helped write a few jokes. It was fun. For some reason I finally felt like I’d made it in life, like I had some celebrity status and now my parents would have to be proud of me! Horrible, I know!!

I can’t remember which comedian said this but the other side of comedy is tragedy. Here’s the thing. Most gigs paid you in free food, hotel comps and a bar tab. It was pretty much a paid vacation every time we’d travel but when we got back the problems were still there. He had developed a really bad drinking problem, he couldn’t hold down a job and would often black out from being drunk. It was during his black outs that things became worse because he would become violent and not remember. Now, because this man was my husband, that also meant he was a step father to my children. Remember how I said life always has a way of repeating itself? He did love them and treated them like they were his own, but that was the problem.

Both me and him grew up thinking it was okay to hit our children if they misbehaved. I would like to say this. I never put a hand on my kids. I never spanked them or said horrible things to them growing up. My mistake was letting my husband punish them. Again, there is a difference between abuse and spanking, but to a kid it really is all the same. I’m not excusing any of it, but please believe, I would not let him around them while he was drinking.

But because I allowed him to punish them in that way, as they grew older, they resented me for it and rightfully so. It wasn’t until he hit me so severely and tried to light me on fire during one of his black outs that I decided to finally leave. I knew if he didn’t get help soon it would be just a matter of time before he did the same to my kids. After my youngest was born, I filed for a divorce, got full custody of our daughter, got another restraining order and now had to visit two different police stations to exchange kids. So here I go again. broke, no support, and no where to go.

Now with all that being said, would it make a difference if I told you that he is now five years sober, an amazing father to our 15 year old, has two other children who are just as amazing and has just celebrated a six year work anniversary? lol He was my biggest lesson in how to forgive. For years, I hated him. I was afraid every day for my daughter when she would have to spend time with him. It took a lot of therapy and long conversations but he was willing to put the work in and most importantly, took accountability for the things he did. For this I truly thank him and wish him well in his continued recovery.

This brings us to my deceased husband,Bobby. But before I go into him I just want to make sure you all are still here with me.lol I promise my story isn’t all tragic and the glow up is EPIC! Lol But I thank you for sticking with me this far and it is important to understand everything I’ve been through because it’s gotten me to exactly where I am today. So I thank you!

Me and Bobby’s first date was at a dialysis center. When I met him, he was already nine years in on being on the waiting list for a new kidney. I don’t want to speak ill of the dead but he was definitely my karma. In the beginning,we were madly in love with each other! He was extremely fit, half white, half mexican, blue eyes, and spoke perfect Spanish.Ugh! I thought he was so gorgeous! He was extremely close to my youngest daughter and kind hearted to my older two. It seemed like I finally had the family me and my kids deserved. We’d brought out the very best in one another and towards the end, the very worst.

Everything bad that could ever happen to someone had happened to him. He was in prison for nine years and in and out of institutions since he was a teenager. He witnessed his father murder someone in front of him and even helped him escape to Mexico. At one point his family was featured on America’s Most Wanted. His mother passed soon after, his sister killed herself by lighting herself on fire, and his paraplegic brother also had passed away, so he had no close immediate family.

When he was in prison he had high blood pressure that was misdiagnosed and left untreated which caused both kidneys to fail. That’s the prison system for you! He had so many demons he was battling on top of being sick, that I wanted to make sure when we were together it was nothing but happy times but even that started to wear thin. During the time we were together, I’d started my career at Bank of America. I decided to go back to school, was still raising my kids, playing nurse and because he couldn’t work, trying to keep us afloat financially. Times were definitely hard but we were happy at least for a while.

After nine long years waiting for a kidney, we finally got the call. We rushed down to Mayo in the middle of the night and he had a successful transplant. He’d asked me to marry him that night. The future was starting to look bright. A new kidney meant that he had a new lease on life. He could now do things he wasn’t able to do like work a full time job. You’d think that this would have been the biggest blessing but it was the start of our downfall. Now that he had a new kidney, he could start to contribute not only financially but to our relationship. Now it was time for him to put in the work that he never had to do before. I believe the pressure got to him and he just couldn’t do it. He became increasingly angry, depressed, and resentful.

Now they say that the day of your wedding is supposed to be the happiest day of a person’s life. For me it was the worst. Sound familiar? Again history repeating itself but now it was my turn. That day we got into a horrible fight. At the time we lived in a 2 story house. We were upstairs arguing and even worse it was in front of the kids. The fight escalated and my kids witnessed him throwing me down a flight of stairs. There were other instances of physical abuse. His new kidney he had waited nine years for eventually failed and slowly so did his other organs. He became so depressed that all he wanted to do was be out in the streets, drink, and do drugs. And so that is exactly what he did up until the day he died. I wasn’t there when he’d passed, but I later learned that one of the last things he said was “tell her I’m sorry”.

After the stairs incident I realized that I had failed again as a mother. I had tried so desperately to give them something that I’d never had, a safe and happy home and family but had failed miserably each and every time. I’d felt so bad at what they’d witnessed and had gone through that I gave custody over to their father who was now living with his family in California. I died the day they left. I made their father promise me that it would only be temporary and that when I was able to get my act together, I wanted them back. I asked him to also put them into therapy, but he had failed at doing both.

One of my biggest regrets in my life is not being able to protect them.

As a mother sometimes the very best thing you can do for your child is to let them go. That’s what my great grandmother did, that’s what my mother had to do, and in the end that’s exactly what I did.

To my daughters. You are so much stronger than I am. I pray that our generational curse ends with you. I love you and I will forever be sorry for the things I did and did not do.

Appreciate you sharing that. What should we know about Nikki480?
That brings us to my “glow up”.

At a very young age, I learned all I had in this world was me. Being homeless living on the streets, I had to develop a hustler’s mentality in order to eat. Surviving domestic violence gave me the strength to just keep living and it’s my children who made me want to be a better version of myself.

I had to go through so much heartache and tragedy to find what I’m truly passionate about and what really makes me happy. During my time at Bank of America, I found my passion for community work. Bank of America has an amazing program that allows their employees time off to volunteer at local organizations. They really pushed leadership development and suggested I join a board of a local non-profit. At the time, I had a best friend who was heavily involved in the LGBTQ+ community. I wanted to support him and some of my close family members, so I joined the Phoenix Pride organization as their executive secretary. At the time I’d joined the organization, they just lost its community center, and the community was upset. All the other board members had jumped ship, and it was just me and two others. I wasn’t sure how I was going to help restore faith in a whole community as well as contribute as a Latina, straight, woman whose board’s history was predominantly white gay males.

But through my connections from the comedy world, I knew an individual who worked for the Arizona Diamondbacks. Now I’m the type of person who thinks outside of the box. At the time, major league baseball did not recognize the LGBTQ+ community and did not have a pride night.

I even remember when I brought up that we should do this to other members of the board, they pretty much laughed and said no way, but I was determined none the less. I quickly reached out to my connections, and they’d put me in contact with the right people who had the same mindset.

The first year we did Pride night with the Arizona Diamondbacks, we were placed in one corner of the ballpark to set up a table, and it was just me and one other board member.

I’m proud to say that every year after, Pride night just kept getting bigger and bigger and because of this one event, we were eventually able to help put in the rainbow crosswalks in downtown Phoenix. Now I am not taking any kind of credit because there are a lot of amazing people who contributed to this and now continually ensures that there is representation in major league baseball, but I like to consider myself as the catalyst who stepped up to make something really great happen.

I was on the Phoenix Pride executive board for about five years, and I still volunteer whenever I’m able. This is where I developed my passion for non-profit management because I was getting first-hand experience on how a million-dollar organization operates. Our own governor Katie Hobbs worked as our volunteer coordinator, and it was such an honor to work alongside her.
After my tenure with Phoenix Pride, I was the executive secretary for the first ever Hispanic Rotary club in Phoenix, Club Rotario, so I’m also a Rotarian. I also was an executive board advisor who assisted in the creation of SheThrives, an amazing non-profit organization that gives scholarships to domestic violence survivors. I’m so proud of them and the great work that they do! Currently I am the Executive Vice President for Prospancia. An organization whose mission is to empower Hispanic professionals to achieve their full educational, economic, and social potential. I have the privilege of working closely with the students at ASU’S Thunderbird School of Global Management as a resource and mentor.

After my time with Bank of America, I continued my professional career in the non-profit sector. I became the Social Enterprise Program manager for Prestamos CDFI, a division of Chicanos Por La Causa. I had such a great sense of pride in that position because I was assisting women and minority business owners with providing them resources on how to grow and establish a business. This is where I developed my love for business development. I had an opportunity to create programs, webinars, and cohorts with other wonderful organizations out of the Women’s Business center. Unfortunately, the leadership was not as supportive as I’d hoped, and I had to leave a job I truly enjoyed.

I’d found my next career with the Arizona Hispanic Chamber of Commerce’s Capital Readiness Program. This program was federally funded through the Minority Business Development Agency, whose mission was also to assist women and minority business owners with consulting services. During my time with the chamber, I was also able to do some pretty amazing things.

Because our program was national, I got to travel to different states I’d never been to before where I connected with other Hispanic chambers and business owners. I was featured on 12 news Arizona Midday, other news outlets including radio interviews, and podcasts to speak about our program and resources.

One of my greatest professional achievements took place in the very town my mother was born. I facilitated an event called “Industry Days” for the town of Miami, Arizona. I worked closely with the town’s economic development director whose goal was to grow the town’s tourism by offering its residents resources to become business owners. In partnership with the Department of Agriculture as well as other government entities I held this event in the middle of downtown Miami.

If you are not familiar with the town of Miami, it’s a very small mining town about an hour and a half out of Phoenix. When I was younger and we’d visit my grandparents who lived in Globe, AZ we’d have to pass through there going at about 10 miles per hour. lol One of my earliest memories being at my grandparents’ house was that every morning they’d listen to Kiko radio, which was primiarly talk news radio for Globe, Miami, and Superior. I had the opportunity to visit Kiko radio where they put me on the air and interviewed me about the event. It really was a full circle moment for me.

I am also very proud of the work I was able to do with our future entrepreneurs and business owners. I facilitated a “business 101” program for students ages 12 to 19 where the program would pay for their LLC’s pending completion. I’d put my own daughter through the program, and she became a business owner at just 14 years old!

Due to the political climate and the government’s dismissal of DE&I programs, funding was cut for the capital readiness program, and my position was eliminated.

Currently I’m with the amazing Glendale Chamber of Commerce doing as the Business Development manager and a freelance business consultant and business owner. I own an events consulting firm called Nikki480. I have an event every first Saturday of the month at the number one bar in downtown Phoenix, Barcoa, where we bring our Chicano and Latino community together. I work with the Phoenix Funkeros a local group of DJs who through their music create unity, as well as different vendors with whom I charge no vendor fees for, A live tattoo artist, Vinnie Rodriguez who is also an entrepreneur, who created the Zipcords a faster effective way of tattooing, as well as tequila brands who I also do some consulting for will come out and do free tastings and if you come on the right night you can see some of the most beautiful low riders in all of Arizona.

Do you have any advice for those looking to network or find a mentor?
One of the questions in this interview is who my mentors are. For me, I consider a mentor to be someone who takes the time to explain how certain things work, they follow up with you to make sure you are always good, and they make themselves available whenever you need them. I am lucky that I have more than one.

When I first started out in the business world, both Carlos Velasco, CEO of Novle a Multi-Cultural Market Agency and David “Magic” Carrizosa, a prominent business investor and community leader, took me under their wing. They are both my biggest advocates and without their help and guidance I wouldn’t have had the success I have today. To both of these men, with my whole heart, I thank you!

In addition to my events consulting firm, my business consulting, and non-profit work, I’ve also had a small accounting business with my best friend Phil Sirois. Phil was the other board member who helped with the Pride night with the Diamondbacks. After that night we held an incredible bond. He also took me under his wing and taught me everything I needed to know about the tax and bookkeeping world. I’ve known Phil for about 15 years now and he is more than just a mentor and my best friend; he is my family. Phil, thank you for always having my back and being there for me. I love you dearly.

So that is my story. And before you come for me, just know that this is MY story and anyone involved has theirs. I chose to put everything out there both the good and the bad, to remain humble and to hopefully help someone who is experiencing the same.

I’ve suffered abuse at the hands of my mother, father, my children’s fathers, husbands, boyfriends, everyone who had a duty to love and take care of me and I still thrived.

I choose to be a survivor and not a victim, I am resilient. I am me.

Shout out to Natalie Jonsson who and voyage magazine for giving me a chance and a platform! Many thanks!

Pricing:

• 150.00 hourly rate

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stories/nikki480/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/theresa-hernandez-/