Conversations with the Inspiring Alison L Miller

Today we’d like to introduce you to Alison L Miller.

So, before we jump into specific questions about the business, why don’t you give us some details about you and your story.
My husband, Chuck, and I decided, in 2009, to get out of the rat race and take some time on the road to decide where we wanted to retire. We sold our house and belongings and put a few things in storage, and set out to “state shop”. Somewhere in the next 3 months, we decided we were having too much fun to stop… so we continued on. We bought Nat’l Park passes and traveled all of the lower 48 states, as we adventured and explored and grew a strong marriage even stronger. Chuck’s first cancer showed up in 2011, and we returned to NJ, our home community, for treatment, which consisted of radiation and 6 surgeries, both to kill the cancer, and reconstruct his arm and leg, from which the dr had to take blood vessels and muscle. In between each surgery, each CAT scan, each MRI, we’d hit the road again, determined to live our dream. I’d have the car packed and ready for as soon as his appointment was done, and we’d head west. Head west, and west again and blast Willie Nelson and open the sun roof to the spectacular blue skies overhead, and drive and drive.

He was a cancer survivor.

In late 2012, the cancer returned, with a vengeance. We had a week in hospital, as they ran tests and new tumors showed up on an almost hourly basis. I knew, from the moment I took him to the ER, as soon as I heard “he has a mass in his lungs” that this was cancer and it would kill him. We had time to find a hospice for him, bring the kids and his friends in, and surround him with Love.

He died April 21, 2013. We bathed him and anointed him with oils, and dressed him and wrapped him in blankets before I helped to put his body in the body bag. A week later, I went with him to be cremated, and I pushed the switch that opened the doors to the crematorium.

I didn’t know what else to do, honestly, other than to stay on the road, traveling. I didn’t want to settle down without him and I was too young (55) to live with our kids. In conversations prior to his death, I’d told Chuck that it was my intention to continue traveling, and that’s when he asked me to return to our favorite places and scatter his cremains. I promised him I would, and told him that I’d paint my car pink so that he could find me out on the road. “I’ll be looking for you” was his response. He said to me, too, at one point, “don’t wear black. It isn’t your color. Wear pink to mourn me”.

Three weeks after his death, I put his urn on the shotgun seat and headed to visit with two of our kids in Arizona. It was while I was there that I bought a new car and found a man to create a shade of pink for me, and paint it. He named the color “Chuck’s Watchin’ Over Me’ pink. “To give you courage to return to the road on your own” is what he said. And then, I headed east to give full military honors to Chuck at a memorial service, in NJ. It was while I was in New England, right after the service, that our daughter told me about a trailer called a T@b Teardrop, and sent a link to a dealer on the CT coast.

I knew nothing about towing or camping, but I knew I needed to change up the way I traveled. It would be too intense for me, emotionally, to travel the way Chuck and I did, so, when I saw the trailer, I bought it on the spot, and gave the dealer the can with the formula and directed him to paint all of the trim in my color.

Grief is isolating. I didn’t know anyone out on the road. I was riddled with anxiety, devastated at the idea of living without Chuck, and I remembered what I’d told Chuck before he died, so I set out to make everything around me… pink. Not some candy ass pink, but a strong and sure pink that would serve as my armor. My car and my trailer, named PinkMagic, is the vehicle that carries me out into this world without Chuck and it draws people to me if only to ask “what’s up with all the pink?” On the front of my trailer are 3 letters… FWG, that stands for a title that I created after Chuck’s death, as I went out on the road on my Odyssey of Love. Three letters that remind me every day, every mile, that I CAN do this, and that I AM doing this. They mean “Fucking Warrior Goddess”, and it isn’t a title I wear lightly. It requires that I suit up and show up every day and that I show up with Love, because that is the legacy that he left behind, and that is the superpower that I carry.

Initially, my Odyssey of Love was about me and Chuck and our 24 year Love story. And then, I expanded it to honor the husbands and wives and partners of my widowed community. And expanded it yet again to celebrate and honor the love that is everywhere I go.

I invite those I meet along the way to write a message of Love on my trailer, to write the names of their loved ones who have died, to write their names… because it is all about the Love. That is the only thing that I know to be true, since Chuck’s death. That he loved me more than I’ve ever been loved before, and that he left all that Love with me when he died. And, knowing that, I am the most powerful, magnificent, luminous, woman, alive.

Great, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?
Wow. It all looks so colorful as I drive down the road, as I set up my site with a pink umbrella and pink chairs, as I traverse the country, celebrating love. And it is all genuine and true and beautiful. But yes, it’s a struggle. It’s incredibly lonely and not from a loneliness that comes from not being around others. It’s a loneliness that comes from Chuck not being next to me, sharing my life with him. It’s all the secondary losses that come with the death of a husband or wife, and a life that is now one instead of two.

I’ve figured out so much about living on the road, though, in a practical way. I can back my trailer up on a dime. I can set up camp and break it down with no problems. Many times, I picture myself as a pioneer woman, after a day of hard travels, who has to set up camp and hunt food and cook over a campfire and take care of the horses before she can relax. I don’t have to do most of those things, thank goodness, but when I’m tired, it helps to use my imagination.

What I’ve learned most of all is to just let it all be whatever it is at any given moment. I don’t run from the emotions. I can feel all of the emotions of living without him AND I can be strong and courageous and get out there and kick ass in the name of Love. Once I learned that I can live this duality, it all became more manageable.

For anyone, woman or man, young or old, what I’d say to them, as they begin their lives, or start their lives anew after any huge loss, is this… there is so much Love in the world. There is, and I know this because I’ve found it out on the open road on this Odyssey of Love. And if we suit up and show up, to life, and keep our hearts open, even if we want to shut them down out of pain, then possibilities happen. Doors open, people show up to show us the way. We don’t have to wait for our lives to be perfect, or to feel a certain way before we go and do whatever it is we want to do. Just pack up all the shit and the heartache and the uncertainty and take it all with you. It is in the DOING that we gain confidence and that people show up for us. We have to get out there and do it, though, because, well, ain’t nobody going to do it for us.

What should we know about Happily Homeless is MoonStruck? What do you guys do best? What sets you apart from the competition?
It sounds so simple, and, maybe cheesy, to tell you that what I do is I celebrate Love. I connect with people around the country, I connect them with each other. When Chuck died, grief hit me in such a strong way that it clouded much of my thinking, as is normal. All I knew, and all I know now, is that he loved me deeply and passionately. I trust that implicitly and I hold onto it. I’ve met love all around this country, in the shape of people who start out asking me “what’s with all the pink?’ and then go on to share their stories with me, and ends up with giving and receiving hugs.

My first book “Love and Grief and the F*kc of Widowhood” is due out soon. I present workshops around the country, focusing on inspiring others to, quite simply, just “go and do” their passion. I present workshops on women warriors, as a conduit for showing women, young and old, that yes, we can do it… whatever “it” is. I talk about downsizing and letting it all go and how I did it, and do it, still. I present workshops to widows/widowers on creating their own Odyssey and coloring it. My first “Love Leads the Way” rally, will be in October, in the Akron, Ohio area. The rally will give me an opportunity to meet those who follow my blog, from all my communities of support, and they’ll be invited to sign my rig, PinkMagic, giving more fuel to this Odyssey of Love.

I’ve never done anything like this. Ever. Or ever envisioned doing anything like this. And then the man I loved passionately, died. But he left so much Love for me, behind, and now I go out every day and live that legacy, connecting with all those I meet. I do workamping, so that I can afford to support myself on the road (temporary and seasonal jobs). In these 5 years since Chuck’s death, I’ve pushed myself emotionally, physically, and logistically. I told Chuck before he died that I’d always make it work, somehow. What I’ve done… what I’m doing… is no more than many widows/widowers are doing. It’s just that I’m doing it in pink. And Chuck, wherever he is, if he’s anywhere, is both smiling broadly because he knew that I’d do something spectacular and colorful like this, AND he’s laughing his ass off because I’m doing it this way. Seriously… me, camping and living full time in a trailer?

What do you feel are the biggest barriers today to female leadership, in your industry or generally?
I think, sometimes, that we women are our own worst enemies. There is a disconnect of language, where we describe each other as bitches when what we are is assertive. Women too often are threatened by other women, both in professional and personal, lives, rather than celebrating strengths. We fall into relationships that are dysfunctional, and allow ourselves to be diminished, rather than standing in our strengths, with each other.

It goes back to the title I use for myself… FWG. Not every woman is an FWG or can be, without earning her stripes. And earning stripes means being honest with ourselves, living a life of self-introspection, supporting other women, providing an example to women of all ages, and going through whatever life deals you, with honesty and grace. Which is not to say perfectly. But with honesty and grace. I’m so fortunate in my life to have women of all ages, and men, also, who love me, who follow my meanderings, who grasp what I’m doing in this Odyssey. Those who don’t get it get left on the wayside.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.HappilyHomelessisMoonStruck.com
• Email: happilyhomelessismoonstruck@gmail.com
• Instagram: HappilyHomelessisMoonStruck
• Facebook: Happily Homeless is MoonStruck
• Twitter: @LovePinkMagic

Image Credit:
Rachael-Grace Sands, Nichole Humphrey

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