An Inspired Chat with Vanessa Hancock

Vanessa Hancock shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.

Vanessa, so good to connect and we’re excited to share your story and insights with our audience. There’s a ton to learn from your story, but let’s start with a warm up before we get into the heart of the interview. What do you think others are secretly struggling with—but never say?
People are usually open about complaining about their teenagers, but I think deep down, parents know that they are missing something, and they feel really sad and like they failed somehow because they don’t feel connected or able to influence their own kids.

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I’m a mediator for families with teens and young adults. I help families have peace. I help to end the chronic and predictable cycles and patterns of power=seeking and disconnection that even the most loving families often experience.

Teenagers, mothers and fathers trust me and open up quickly and easily. I use the information to help them communicate their needs to parents. My work is very expeditious. We work together to get results and create agreements and plans, accountability and hope that all family members feel good about.

As a parent to five kids ages 7, 17, 19, 20, 21 and 23, I am clear on the universal goals that parents have for their kids to feel good about themselves and to be able to launch into the world someday with confidence and a sense of responsibility for themselves. And how wonderful if they also feel such a sense of trust with their parents that they would stay connected all the while!

As a divorced person and a parent of a drug addict in recovery, children with a variety of diagnoses, gender identities, sexualities and communication styles, I have massive compassion and lead with nonjudgment as I help families detangle years of complicated misunderstandings– and then to seek a path forward for healing and connection.

Amazing, so let’s take a moment to go back in time. What breaks the bonds between people—and what restores them?
Fear, and the subsequent need to control to avoid that fear coming true, is what breaks the bonds between people in close, long-term relationships.

When parents experience a profound and powerful breakthrough, realizing that their kids are not actually a reflection of them, balance can be restored, and authentic relationships can begin. Everyone can operate inside their own lane and then choose to cooperate and connect. That’s how the best teams work.

It’s normal to have some blind spots and not see what we have done to break our bond with our kids, but once you see it, everything changes.

If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
I talk to my younger self a lot. I have an old photo my dad took of me on film when I was 4 set as my screen saver on my phone.

She is the one I’m always protecting and advocating for as I navigate relationships, entrepreneurship, and just surviving this crazy world. She’s the one whose voice I need to consult when I’m not sure or when I start to fall into old, unhealthy patterns.

I say to her that she is so important. I say to her that her voice and needs matter and that she deserves kindness and respect. I stay connected to her.

That’s the basis of my entire mediation business: people get to be connected to themselves and to each other.

I think our readers would appreciate hearing more about your values and what you think matters in life and career, etc. So our next question is along those lines. Is the public version of you the real you?
Yes. In so many of the dozens and dozens of reviews and recommendations clients have written about me over the years, that’s the main theme: I AM REAL and the results I help to cause are VERY REAL.

I really don’t have another gear. It’s sort of uncomfortable sometimes, but I just cannot and will not be full of shit.

That’s the secret to why people trust me and choose to work with me. I lead with authenticity and courage. I discuss my own life, my past trials, my current issues, all of it. I have boundaries, but the truth is I am not full of shame about any of my mistakes or shortcomings. I’m very good at laughing at myself and just loving myself, as is.

When parents are real with themselves and their kids, their families start to feel safer, and mutual trust can be rebuilt.

Okay, we’ve made it essentially to the end. One last question before you go. What is the story you hope people tell about you when you’re gone?
I love this question. I think about my funeral all the time. It is the most inspiring context I can think of to keep me from becoming selfish and from doubting myself.

When I’m gone, I hope people tell each other the stories of how I made them laugh when they had no hope…how I checked on them all the time, in just the moment they needed someone to remember them the most…how I put all pride aside to meet them where they were at and helped them create a new perspective…how I never ever had an agenda except to help create peace..how I listened and deeply cared about all my people, but never worried about them because I was too busy believing in them.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.truestlifeconsulting.com
• Instagram: @vanessa77hancock
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/truestlifeconsulting/
• Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/v-baker-773668716/sets/from-mean-to-real-clean-vanessa-baker-1
• Other: My book on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Mean-Real-Clean-Functional-Relationship/dp/1982262338

  My book on Audible: https://www.amazon.com/Mean-Real-Clean-Functional-Relationship/dp/B08YPDW1GH/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0

Image Credits
Kenzie Rich Photography